My daughter is the biggest blessing I could ever ask for, so it’s hard to imagine there was a time in my life when I didn’t even plan on becoming a mother.
When I was in my 20’s I wanted to move to New York City, go to fashion week, stroll through art galleries, and live my best life in the big city. Fashion has always been a passion of mine and I thought New York would be where I would live out my big dreams.
Those plans obviously changed!
I found out I might be pregnant when a coworker of mine at the time sprayed Bath & Body Works perfume and I nearly gagged from the scent -- and I realized my big city plans were changing. My coworker jokingly said you must be pregnant and I replied don’t you wish that on me!
I took multiple pregnancy tests, which all confirmed I was pregnant. I was just dating Callie’s father at the time, and neither of us was ready to be parents, and we didn’t have a lot of support from family to lean on. I even went to the doctor’s office to take another pregnancy test since deep down at the time, I wanted those at-home tests to be wrong. When I went to the doctor, I heard Callie’s heartbeat for the first time and I fell in love.
I was so scared when I brought Callie home from the hospital, as I think many new mothers are. I knew how to take care of babies, thanks to practice with my nephews, but it’s different when it’s your baby.
I had to learn how to be a mom, worry about not tearing my stitches from the C-section, recover from surgery, try to get sleep, take care of a newborn, make sure she was fed, and so much more… it was a lot to adjust to in a very short period of time.
I had no idea what I needed to do to be a good mom. How do I keep her safe? How do I make sure she’s happy? How do I take care of myself while I take care of her? How do I know if I’m raising her right?
All of these thoughts raced through my head every day.
This fourth trimester of pregnancy is glamorized way too often, and I know I wasn’t prepared for the fourth trimester the same way I was prepared for the first three! I’ll be the first to tell you welcoming a newborn into the world and adjusting to your new life as a mother isn’t always glamorous.
My journey as a new mom, especially in the first few months, was not easy.
Mental health was never a topic of conversation, but I knew after I had Callie, I had to learn more about my mental health. In my family, if we had a problem we were told to pray about it. But after Callie was born I was exhausted, my emotions were everywhere, I had so much negative self-talk, I questioned my abilities to be a mother, and just I wanted to give up.
The only person I told about these problems was Callie’s father, who said it’s probably normal you feel that way, just try not to think about it. He just didn’t know any better either, so he didn’t have much support to offer.
I tried to Google answers to my questions, like is what I’m feeling normal? Which offered some validation, but not many answers. I was scared to tell other people because I thought they would think I’m crazy. I did what Callie’s father suggested and tried not to think about it…
I got through it, but I wish I got support. I struggled through post-partum depression by myself. Which is why I’m writing this.
I want better for other new moms. If you’re having thoughts as I did, if your mental health is struggling, please seek support. You’re not crazy, your feelings are valid, and there is a community of new mothers out there you can get support from.
I don’t know it all, but here’s a few things I’ve learned that might make your fourth trimester a little easier:
- Sleep when your baby sleeps as often as you can.
- Prioritize self-care and make sure you’re prioritizing your needs too.
- Find a new mom group on Facebook, in your community, or even on Clubhouse so you can connect with women going through the same transition.
- If you’re able to, find mental health support through a therapist or counselor.
You’re doing a great job. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your child will give you unconditional love, you just have to be willing to receive it 💞
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